Pathetic post of the week

At one point, she told me: "Thinking of you getting worse makes me think of me getting worse, and I can't stand the thought of someone feeling that." She doesn't realize that I feel like that every day. I just can't stand the thought of her being numb, being scared, being confused... just being overly fragile. It makes me weak as well. It makes me unstable. It confuses me a little. It highlights my own numbness. I could just stop thinking about her, move on and build something new. I theoretically "could" stop thinking about her, but practically, it's much harder. The only way I know not to think about her is to think about something else, preferably someone else.

Where could I find a new obsession? Is there someone else in this world I would write a book for? Is someone else in this world worthy of me spending nearly three years and a half thinking about her? Maybe I'm just sick, a sociopath, a delusional, a retard of some kind. Sure, we're all retards in our own ways. Me... I'm just a social retard. It's not that I can't or don't know how to meet people. It's just that I don't wanna. When people disappoint me, I don't always give them another chance. Perhaps I'm too picky. I'm expecting people to impress me in some regard. Where has my fascination with small details gone? Didn't I use to fall in love with a girl just because she was reading on the bus (it depended on the book, of course)?

Give me a shy girl reading a book, just to see if I can still fall in love, just like that.