The Magic 8-ball saga goes on...

I keep asking the magic 8-ball the same two questions: "Will she one day be with me?" and "Are your answers worth anything?" It keeps answering positively to the former and negatively to the latter. So, basically, it tells me what I want to hear, but reminds me it's just bullshit.

My burning obsession has become more of a calm obsession, like a residual obsession. Last week, I met her. It was fun. We spent an hour walking and talking. We didn't talk about anything, really. Just whatever came up to mind. I made her laugh, she made me laugh. It's pretty much as much fun as I can possibly have. There's something extremely rewarding in making a pretty girl laugh, you know. It was only one hour, but it was probably what I had needed for a couple of years now. I now wonder if it wasn't all that time we spent without seeing each other, just emailing and chatting every now and then, that turned a friendship into an obsession. Give a man too much time to think and he will think too much (to be quoted).

I had to be reminded of that friendship, of that fun, to calm the obsession. For the first time, it didn't feel awkward. Perhaps it was because we were walking, and I had a reason not to look at her, this time (I usually like to look ahead, in case I'd walk into something that would like nothing more than hurt me, like a wall or a cliff). I say it didn't feel awkward... it didn't for me. I suppose it was a little for her. Imagine walking and talking with a guy, and you know that guy is or at one point has been in love with you, and you never know if or when you'll have to confront feelings that aren't yours, but in spite of you concern you.

It's nice to know that every once in a while, she cares enough about me to accept to spend some time with me when I'm somewhere between depression and distress, just like last week. The few days before and after october 12th are always tough. These are days I want to spend with people who will pay attention to me, and not in a "hey look at me" kind of way. More in a "hey, it's for you today" kind of way. She did it for me. I'll thank her, one day.

I wonder if she realizes how important she can be. Maybe not all the time, and assuredly not for everyone. But every day, in something she says, in something she does. I'm sure every day she impacts others lives, if only a little. But she just doesn't know it.

That's the kind of thing I know. That's the kind of things I'm sure of. I'm way more reliable than Magic 8-balls... oh! the blasphemy!