I keep hoping I'll hit the bottom, but my free fall appears endless. How much more depressed can I be? I can't buy myself a new pen whenever I feel bad. I can't jump on a plane every time I feel blue. I don't know.
Yes, I do like purchasing pens. Girls get a new haircut to feel better about themselves. I buy myself a pen. My current pen is really hard to beat, though. Greatest pen ever.
Back on topic... I had this theory that once I get to that point where I'm sincerely disgusted of being who I am, I'd have no choice but change into something else, hopefully better. But I've never hated myself enough, and I keep waiting for the worse to come. Or for the best to come.
Listen, people. I could do really great things if only I had the desire. I need desire, but I desire nothing, except that which I can't have, or doesn't exist.